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One Addicts Story!
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The road to Recovery.
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It all started in the summer of 1975, I was 13 at the time. My brother asked me if I wanted to smoke a joint with him. I was very nervous because I was always taught that drugs would mess me up bad. He reassured me that nothing bad was going to happen so I gave it a try. Much to my amazement, nothing bad happened. I actually felt good. I was an insecure kid and this stuff made me forget my problems. Little did I know then where all this was leading me. It didn't take long and I was starting to use other drugs. It never mattered what they were, if they would let me escape myself, I would use them. Time went on and I didn't even notice that the drugs had become a daily event in my life. I also didn't notice that my high had to come first and everything else came after it.
I tried to live a "normal" life, what ever that was. I finally graduated high school after summer school and night school. I needed one credit to graduate but I couldn't stop using long enough to get it. It was in night school where I finally got a teacher that felt sorry for me and gave me the grade even though I didn't deserve it.
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After highschool I got a job, but nothing felt rewarding to me. The only time I was happy was when I was using. At the age of twenty-five I married and started a family. We bought our first house and to my luck we moved in to a party neighborhood. My addiction had now grown into a daily drinking and drugging life style. I managed to stay married for almost seven years and had two children along the way. The life I gave my wife and children was one with verbal abuse and a husband/father that didn't know what life was about. After the divorce I continued to use, never thinking once that it was the drugs and drinking that was messing up my life. My body was starting to show the wear and tear and I began to feel sick whenever I used. I went to the doctor and because of all the abuse I gave my body my blood sugar had gotten messed up. He told me I had to quit everything. This is when life really started to get bad. I bacame a dry addict. Never having to face life without a high I didn't know what I was doing anymore. I became more angry and miserable as time went on, and pissed at the fact that I couldn't use to make myself feel better.
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For two years I lived my life like this. Finally at a job I was working at in 1997, I met a co-worker who was involved in an organization called Narcotics Anonymous. He told me he saw a lot of traits of an addict in me and asked if I would like to attend a meeting. I told him he was nuts that I wasn't an addict. As days went on and I was showing no coping skills with the real world he asked me again and said they could help with my problems. I finally said yes and I attended a meeting. I found it very interesting. I listened to other addicts and I was hearing my life from other mouths. I had a short relapse just after joining the fellowship. It took me a while to get the hang of recovery. My first year in attendence I was still very confused. I gritted my teeth and had lots of ups and downs but I managed to put together thirteen months. Or so I let everyone think. I relapsed again around nine months clean and I kept it a seceret. I celebrated my one year anniversary even though I knew that I didn't deserve it. I lived with this for another month and then the guilt got to me and I tried to kill myself. Once out of the hospital I got back into the program and started working a program of honesty. Honesty with myself and with others. I finally told my sponsor what I had done and that I wanted to make it right. I gave back my one year medallion and told him to give it back to me when I really deserved it. On May 27,1999 I achieving my one year anniversary. It only took opening my mind and working a good program and most of all, I don't use no matter what. If you can relate to my story or if you feel you have a problem with drugs, get into a twelve step program. You'll be saving your life. You don't have to live through the misery that I did. Thanks to my addiction I have blood sugar problems and suffer from manic depression. Every day is a struggle for me but today thanks to NA I have a choice. I DON'T HAVE TO USE!
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